good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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