i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
