absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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