my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
