PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
