his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
