i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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