I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
