I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
