Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
