we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize