i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
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