they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
