"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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