no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
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