saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
