Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
