I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he laminated a picture of his dick.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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