oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
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