Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Do vagina's smell?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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