is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
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