Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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