You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
