so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
