Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i barfeds in our rink
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Randomize
