Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
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