I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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