ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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