I'm sorry my penis didn't work
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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