So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
