An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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