We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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