He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
