:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
