Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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