I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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