dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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