he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Randomize
