next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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