Midget sex pt 2 tonight
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
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