Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
