I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
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