These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
