I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
