I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
