i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
