Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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