you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
