god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
