my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
