no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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