i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
