Welp...herpes.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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