After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
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I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
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"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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