the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
so much tequila, so little girl.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
