I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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