is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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