she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
