matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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