What a fucking waste of an outfit
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
