i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
