I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
