Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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