I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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