We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
