i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
