I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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