i wish there were pregnant emoticons
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Randomize
